We are on a camping adventure. Right now. I know, its extremely exciting. 24 hour access to my favorite person in the entire world, Bryan Heinelman, 1000’s of new smells, car rides, hunting lizards, laying in the dirt, filthy, sweaty humans that need cleaning. ITS ALL JUST SO EXCITING. Okay, I need to change the subject, I’m shaking again.

We left yesterday morning. At first I was concerned (more shaking). Maybe I wasn’t going with. That happens and it makes me very angry. That morning though I saw Spanky’s crate come out of the bedroom (why do we always take Spanky’s crate?) and I knew it was happening- ROAD TRIP! I’ll be honest, it was a long car ride. And I was forced to poop in some less than desirable locales. Towards the end, and I’m not proud of this, I kind of lost it. Okay, truth, I really lost it and screamed bloody murder the last few miles to our destination. But in my defense enough was ENOUGH. A dog can only ride in a crate with his adopted brother and his adopted brother’s raggedy smelly “baby” for so long.

We got to the campsite and it was warm (my favorite night time temperature), my people made themselves busy readying my new giant dog bed. Spanky and I secured the perimeter and let the dogs in the area know we had arrived. We had our kibble- some new flavor I was a little suspicious of. While I was making my mind up about it Spanky swooped in and finished it. So rude. We really should leave him at home more often.

Then is was bedtime! My absolute most favorite time of the day!

We all climbed into my new giant  bed, started to settle in, and then CRASH!!!!! My beautiful new bed came crashing down. Dark red liquid rained down all over. My people parents jumped out of my bed. I stayed behind and shook. I heard exclamations, something about a “catastrophic failure”, lots of jostling and Bryan Heinzelman uttered some words I found quite shocking. Fortunately Bryan Heinzelman, besides having a colorful vocabulary, is a god among men and was able to fix my lovely bed. The next morning I saw that this had happened:

 Apparently the frame isn’t supposed to be all wavy like that. I blame Spanky. That extra kibble he ate put us over weight.

We returned to our blanket-y cacoon to watch this:

Then, things were pretty much great. I slept wedged between my people blissfully all night. Apart from having to tolerate my lame new kibble AGAIN, it was an excellent morning too. Lots of sniffing, peeing and sitting in the dirt. I felt quite dangerous and wild.

Until we were packing up for our outing. Then all hell broke loose. MORE loud noises, MORE unseemly language from Bryan Heinzelman. I’ll put it down to stress, but he and I are going to have a little chat if this continues. I am a dog with delicate sensibilities. I sent Spanky to investigate while I stayed back in my crate (and shook). He reported back that something on our bed’s hatch had broken. I really don’t know what a hatch is, other than that’s where the treats and snacks and my stupid, embarrassing harness are kept:

There was a lot of murmuring on the part of my humans and eventually we got in the car. and drove a LONG way to some exotic place called “Camping World”. Various items were purchased. Including a tie out for Spanky and I. So humiliating. Spanky may need to be tied up but I certainly don’t. He’s always ruining everything for both of us…

After being tied up (grrrrrr.), the humans set about fixing my bed permanently. I watched on admiringly; Bryan Heinzelman’s muscles flexed, sweat beaded on his brow as he installed the new jacks. He really is awe inspiring.

Then is was time for a nap. BIG TIME. We all napped in the shade. Well, mostly I kept watch for invaders, but either way it was grand. After dinner, as bedtime approached I started to get VERY excited. Soon it would be time to return to my giant bed. Which is why it was absolutely devastating when I was shoved into this tiny cupboard above MY bed. WHAT WAS THIS NONSENSE?????! I may have uttered a few choice phrases myself. HOW COULD BRYAN HEINZELMAN BETRAY ME THIS WAY????! I could tell he was ashamed- the man could not look me in the eye.

The next morning it was go time. Camp was packed up under my watchful eye and we hit the road. So far this road trip has earned a B+, more time in my bed, less time in the cupboard could move it up to an A though. I hope you are reading this Bryan Heinzelman….